A lot of beginnings and endings. As possibly Derrida might have said you can’t have a beginning until you know the end because otherwise the beginning is just an incident of no significance; it only assumes significance when you know it is the beginning, which you can only know when you know the end, and if you can’t have the beginning before the end is the end in fact the beginning?
Obviously the beginning of this website and I hope the end of my sense of isolation in writing.
I have been thinking a lot about what writing means to me; why I do it and why now I particularly want to get it read by others.
On a personal level writing is a sea anchor for me. A sea anchor is used on a boat when it loses way, when the propulsion is gone and it lies wallowing in the swell. You make a raft out of whatever you can, attach it to the bows of the vessel by a rope and then throw it into the sea. It keeps the vessels bows to the waves, stops it being overwhelmed, allows the occupant to look at the sky and see the horizon. That’s what writing is for me.
And if it does it for me perhaps there will be others similarly all at sea that it can assist. So I’ll make life belts with my words and throw them overboard in the hope that the occasional person will find them helpful in terms of staying afloat.
So it is the end of my indifference to the outside world and the beginning of casting my stories on the water
As you can see I have a weakness for the extended metaphor!
My father died, an ending. A beginning for me. His death has released me from the sense of not being able to be honest in my life. It has allowed me to start therapy relating to something I was never able to confront him with. The incident was known but never acknowledged and I felt that I was carrying an unexploded bomb, or rather that I was the unexploded bomb handled with care by the family. I hope now that the bomb can be fully exposed it can be defused.
I have finished the novel Prey. I have published. It is out there. The end of one process of writing, the beginning of its independent life.
The end and the beginning.
The circularity of life,
Everything eating its own tail.